Healing a Wife’s Wounded Heart

When a husband is addicted to pornography, his wife often bears the fallout of his choices, leaving her shattered, betrayed, and alone. Vicki Tiede exposed a few of the top myths concerning porn’s impact on marriages.

Myth 1: Porn is a victimless choice.

Reality: Not only does it hurt the guy, it hurts the wife and children. It also drives the demand for sex trafficking. Acting on porn addiction is betrayal and adultery, a sexual act outside of marriage.

Myth 2: The marriage will be restored automatically.

Reality: It’s so much more complicated than that. The wife’s healing is critical. She is dealing with the daily fallout of his choices. Giving both partners a study guide does not mean they will figure things out. Silence and burying their feelings only makes the problem worse.

Myth 3: A man won’t turn to porn if his wife is fulfilling his needs.

Reality: Her husband’s decision to look at porn has nothing to do with her physical appearance or sexual performance. It’s not her fault. We bear responsibilities for our own actions.

Myth 4: If a man stops his porn habit, his wife will automatically be over the havoc.

Reality: There are still feelings of hurt and distrust. Forgiving and trusting are not the same thing.

• When people are grieving, let them grieve.
• There is no such thing as a perfect wife before or after a husband’s porn use.
• The wife’s choices will either help or hurt their relationship.

Question: How much disclosure should a husband give to his wife about his pornographic actions?

Answer: It’s best for the man to admit it to her rather than be caught. The wife will likely be traumatized.  Give her time to process the information and allow her to control how much she wants to hear at a given time.

Vicki Tiede is an inspiring Bible teacher, conference speaker, and author. Her passion is to open the Scriptures with women in order to share God’s grace and enduring faithfulness. She transparently relates life experiences that resonate and draw others into a lifelong pursuit of knowing God.

Vicki’s candor and humor are a delight to her audiences, who feel like they’ve met a new friend moments after she begins to share a glimpse into her life. She consistently points her audiences back to God’s Word and presents fresh insights into the Scriptures.

Living in Rochester, Minnesota, Vicki is a wife, homeschooling mom, and the coordinator of women’s ministries in her local church. Vicki holds Master’s degrees in Ministry and in Education.